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15 Glorious Head-Scratchers From The Wild And Crazy World Of Real Estate

It’s time for another tour through the strange things discovered by our dedicated fans in the real estate world. If you want to laugh, or just shake your head in bewilderment, you’ll find something here. Remember to take your camera with you when touring homes. You never know when you’ll find treasures like these.

“Oh, the driveway is just for aesthetics.”

Via: Addy Mar

That’s one hell of a cat’s scratching post…

Via: Ambyre Collins Hensler

You could say this is a beautiful bathroom, but that would be reaching.

Via: Bridget Miller

Cletus’ famous last words, ‘Pfft! I don’t need no Realtor!’

Via: Dennis J Gaggini

Use with caution if you’ve had one too many to drink.

Via: Donna Ricciuti Wilkinson Cline

Garage door doubles as a state-of-the-art exhaust fan.

Via: Donna Ricciuti Wilkinson Cline

Sorry, home warranty doesn’t cover damage to your car’s suspension.

Via: Dylan Michael Hofstetter

Must’ve been hard to sell the house with that much panda-monium going on.

Via: Jessica Thomas

Depending on interpretation, Mr. Carroll either works for Beer & Associates, or he’s throwing in one helluva bonus.

Via: Joe Leksich

This home comes with an automated rodent prevention system. Minimal maintenance required.

Via: Kristyn Benedict

Master bath comes equipped with built-in poop-pouri circulation system.

Via: Mark Hawley

Don’t know what’s more bizarre: the wallpaper, the carpet or the elevated toilet.

Via: Nikki Caruso Criel

Note to sellers: wrong choice of decor can make selling a home a tall order.

Via: Seana Streich Taylor

Camouflaged closet door for the ultimate in clothing security!

Via: Sheri Wahlstrom

“I was looking for an open floor plan, but not quite THIS open.”

Via: Stacey Ferrell Longenette

If you liked this one, you’ll love these:

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16 Annoying Things People Say On “House Hunters”

1. “Honey, can’t you imagine us sitting out here in the morning sipping our coffee and reading the newspaper?”

Said by: Couples who haven’t even purchased a newspaper since 2003.

1-internet-on-porch

Via Bigstockphoto

2. “I don’t want a split level because I don’t want to have to decide whether to go up or down when I get home.”

Said by: People who will likely have difficulty pulling the trigger on any home.

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Via Wikipedia

3. “Eww, look at that toilet seat cover. I think I’m gonna have to pass on this one.”

Said by: People who lack the cognitive ability to figure out this “problem” is fixable by plunking down a whopping $7 at Wally World.

via GIPHY


4. “This furniture is really outdated.”

Said by: People who apparently don’t realize the owners will be taking that with them when they leave.

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OblioZen via flickr

5. “It absolutely has to be turn-key.”

Said by: Couples who lack all sense of reality.

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Via Bigstockphoto

6. “Having to do laundry in the basement is just too creepy for me.”

Said by: People who probably check underneath their bed every night for the boogey man.

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Via imgarcade.com

7. “My commute really needs to be under 15 minutes, tops.”

Said by: People who work downtown but are in denial about not having a downtown budget.

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Gohsuke Takama via flickr

8. “I need old world charm with new age modern conveniences.”

Said by: People who don’t realize that early 20th century homes didn’t have walk-in closets. Or whirlpool tubs.

via GIPHY


9. “Oh, these countertops aren’t granite.”

Said by: People who are probably obsessed with stainless steel appliances.

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Jason Carlin via flickr

10. “I was really hoping for a glass-tiled shower with a separate soaking tub.”

Said by: People who take like one bath a year.

via GIPHY


11. “We can’t buy a home with a pink room. Our child is a boy.”

Said by: Couples who have literally never even seen a paint brush up close.

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Ivan Berkovica via wikimedia commons

12. “We’d really like an open concept floor plan.”

Said by: People who parrot other people who try to sound cool by spouting off trendy buzzwords.

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Kathleen Seide via flickr

13. “That spot over there is a real turn off.”

Said by: People who will probably ask for a $5,000 carpet allowance.

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Renato Ganoza via flickr

14. “We really need an oceanfront house with a prime view.”

Said by: Deluded beach bums with a $200,000 budget.

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Via Wikipedia Commons

15. “The stove needs to be gas, not electric.”

Said by: People who most likely can barely boil water.

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Bluekdesign via flickr

16. “We have to be in the nicest part of the city. A helipad would be a huge plus. We need 7 bedrooms, an IMAX theater, a fully staffed Starbucks and probably a moat.”

Said by: Deluded 26-year-olds graduating from their parents’ basement who want a P. Diddy home on a Vanilla Ice budget.

16-landing-pad

Joel via flickr

(H/T Buzzfeed)

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Things Real Estate Agents and Loan Officers Wish They Could Say (But Can’t)

Make no mistake, real estate is very much a service industry. And with good service comes a certain level of decorum from the service providers. But let’s face it: sometimes clients say the craziest things. During these times, it’s tough for real estate agents and loan officers to refrain from saying what’s on their minds. This hilarious video gives a glimpse into the daily lives of real estate professionals… and more importantly, it shows us what they’d really like to say sometimes.

Video credit: Youtube via TheResourceTVShow
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7 Horrifying Fears Every Real Estate Agent Can Relate With

Sometimes there is a very fine line between what a real estate agent hopes and fears.

#1

The Hope: What agents hope their open house will look like.

1a-crowd

via Gerry Bailey

The Fear: What an open house can end up looking like.

1b-im-so-bored-gif

via apocalypstick.com

#2

The Hope: Making good money as a real estate agent…or at least make a living doing it.

2a-coupons

via giphy.com

The Fear: Barely making enough money to even own a home, let alone sell one.

2b-no-money

via doortoprocrastination

#3

The Hope: Being too busy all day to even check Facebook.

3a-multitask

via giphy.com

The Fear: Getting caught on Facebook…playing Candy Crush…like every hour of the day.

3b-candy-crush

via officialpsy

#4

The Hope: Showing houses that the seller obviously cares about the fact that you are bringing buyers to see their home.

4a-cleaning

via mostlymellen.blogspot.com

The Fear: Showing houses that make you wonder if the seller even remembers their house is on the market…

4b-snow-white-dust

via The Writers Republic

#5

The Hope: Having leisurely networking lunches with colleagues or past clients, working on deals and developing new business.

5a-lunch-friend

Warner Bros. | via youtube.com

The Fear: Eating alone. In the car. While catching up on e-mail. Again.

5b-lunch-car

via firsttimedriver.com

#6

The Hope: Going to closings where the seller and buyer are both happy and smiling.

6a-happy-hug

via funnyordie.com

The Fear: Going to closings where the buyer and seller probably shouldn’t even be in the same building, let alone the same room.

6b-unhappy

via huffingtonpost.com

#7

The Hope: Being welcomed and respected by people as a professional with great thoughts, knowledge, and skills.

7a-thumbs-up

via giphy.com

The Fear: Being seen as some sort of a shady sales person.

7b-cigar

via mobstersinthenews
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14 Things All Blunt Realtors Know To Be True

1. If another agent asks you to chip in to pay for their mistake, you’ll let ’em know what’s up.

via GIPHY

2. You’ll call out other agents who don’t know what they’re talking about.

via GIPHY

3. You won’t dare let anybody tell you how to dress when meeting with clients.

via GIPHY

4. You work your tail off at being the best, and you’re not ashamed to say it.

via GIPHY

5. As a loyal protector of your clients, you’ll step up to anyone who threatens their best interests.

via GIPHY

6. You’re the ‘go-to’ person for friends and family when they want an honest opinion.

1-doilookfat

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer / Via stillnotworking.tumblr.com

7. Sometimes your colleagues have to muffle you before you blurt out what’s on your mind.

via GIPHY

8. You’ve had to dial yourself down a few notches to maintain your professional composure.

via GIPHY
 

9. As a real estate pro, there’s one thing you value almost more than anything else…

via GIPHY

10. When you don’t sugarcoat a home’s value when dealing with unrealistic sellers.

via GIPHY

11. Your lack of a filter hurts people’s feelings sometimes.

via GIPHY

12. Because you have no filter, you have to put yourself in check in some situations.

via GIPHY

13. You’ll call out another agent if need be.

via GIPHY

14. You don’t mind revealing the real reason you showed up to another agent’s open house.

via GIPHY

Oh, and one more thing. If you don’t like this post, you’ll be sure to let us hear about it.

via GIPHY
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Why I Suspect It’s Hard To Love A REALTOR®

Image via: Bigstock

I suspect it’s hard to love a REALTOR®.

We get up early and don’t have time to drink coffee over the newspaper or engage in small talk.

We come home late and are often too tired to cook.

We work extra because we know there are families who need us.

We don’t get too excited over a minor crisis because we deal with several all day; we have seen far worse.

We don’t want to talk when we come home; we have talked all day.

We don’t want to move when we come home; we have moved all day.

It may seem that we’ve left all our caring, our heart, and our love at work, then come home to you empty. We probably have.

But we don’t tell you that many times at work we are overwhelmed and overtasked… and often scared…

… scared we are missing something. Scared we will let our clients down or leave some items unfinished. Scared to go into homes with people we have literally just met.

We have to deal with lockboxes that won’t open, showings with poor showing instructions, Cujo sitting on the sofa when the listing states “no pets”, with angry clients, other agents, title and loan officers, and all the while do our best to help them.

We don’t tell you how the chaos affects us, and how stressed we are with the bajillion things we go through in a day.

I suspect it’s hard to love a REALTOR®, but know this:

Your REALTOR® needs your love. Needs your understanding. Needs to be taken care of. Needs to know that you “get it”. Needs you to do the hardest work you may ever do, which is to love your REALTOR®.

Thank you to those out there who love us and let us do this work. This calling. This life of a REALTOR®.

By: Tami Price | Reproduced with permission

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This Man Put A Window In His Kitchen Floor. The Reason? GENIUS!

At first glance, you might be thinking “bomb shelter”… but it’s really more like the bomb. I’m not exactly sure how this would affect resale value, but ya know what — I don’t care. It’s the slickest upgrade I’ve seen in a home in a long while. And I’m jealous!

From this angle is just looks weird and out of place.

01-wine-cellar
Via Houzz

Ah, it’s a hatch door to a room below. What’s down there?

02-wine-cellar
Via Houzz

The most incredible wine cellar you’ve ever seen. That’s what!

03-wine-cellar
Via Houzz

Pro tip: Don’t attempt descending down these stairs after a few glasses of wine.

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Via Houzz

From this angle is just looks weird and out of place.

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Via Houzz/Armory Brown

And it’s definitely a conversation starter.

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What’s a dream home without a wine cellar like this?!

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Via Houzz

You can choose to keep your wine cellar hidden, like this…

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Via Wacky Mania

Or you can make it the focal point of the room.

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Via Wacky Mania

Even if you don’t drink wine, the cellar could be used for extra storage space.

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Via Wacky Mania

These cellars can cost upwards of $40,000. They may not fit your budget, but if you can afford it… why not?!

11-wine-cellar
Via Wacky Mania

 

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Manly Man Buys Girlie House After Reading This Legendary Listing Description

Think this house is some sort of joke? Think again, chief.

This house should only be purchased by the manliest of men. My friend, if a house could grow a five o’clock shadow, this bad boy would need to shave by noon… so lesser men need not apply. Here’s why.

Crafted from nature’s finest raw materials by 5th degree ninja warriors, it was built for the man who snatches victory from the jaws of defeat on a daily basis.

They didn’t bother with girlie features like a front door with beveled glass. Real men don’t even know what beveled means. All we know is square. Square jaw, square meal, and looking another man square in the eyes when squaring off in the parking lot.

Yeah it’s pink, but so what. This was never intended as the dream home of every six-year-old princess across the fruited plain. No, this hellcat from planet kickass just happened to be born in a Hello Kitty body.

Is it in turnkey condition? Hell no it’s not in turnkey condition. It’s got a leaky roof, saggy floor joists, and the AC unit only works when kicked in the just the right spot with a size 13 boot… what size boot are you workin’ with, big fella?

So yeah, this beastly box of badassery has been to hell and back and has the repair estimates to prove it. So if you’re too much of a pretty boy for this fire-breathing, dragon-slaying hero of a home just because it has a few purple hearts, then move along.

But I know you won’t. I know your type. You’re a doer. A fixer. The classic man’s man. And you’re smart enough to realize most swimsuit models would crawl through a mile of crushed glass just to watch a handyman in action through a pair of Fisher Price binoculars. And guess what, stud… that man could be you!

I don’t wanna hear you whining about this home’s lack of a security system. The only security system you’ll need is a stick to keep all the women at bay once they catch wind of your legendary address.

It comes equipped with all the things we testosterone-fueled adrenaline junkies need — like a woodworking shop. And guess what’s included in the sale, boss…

… yep, the finest assortment of hand tools you ever saw, along with a first aid kit in case you slice a finger doing the work of a real man. You know what the first aid kit contains? A pint of Jim Beam, a stitch-your-own-wound kit, and a chunk of leather to bite down on when you’re sewing yourself back up.

It’s priced to move at $179,000, or you can shell out twice as much for the home down the street (and get your man card revoked in the process).

My client will entertain all reasonable offers. And by reasonable I mean if you offer $100,000, that’s liable to earn you a trip to the ER, compliments of a thunder punch to the throat followed up by a two-fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Let’s just say you’d better get used to Popeye jokes, champ.

Make a full price offer and my client will even throw in the front doormat. You know what it says? “Man Cave Sweet Man Cave”. Hell, I’d buy it and make the repairs my damn self if my other career didn’t keep me away so much. You know what my other career is? Teaching Navy Seals to base jump. At night… blindfolded. Yeah.

So trust me, this helluva deal with sex appeal will outlast you and the offspring that carry your name. Rumor has it that Chuck Norris was bred here, Elvis was wed here, and John Wayne dropped dead here. Yeah. So what legacy are you gonna leave in this home, tough guy?

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what’s staring back. If it’s a rugged, non candy-assed Dwayne Johnson stunt double, then call me. I might be out hang-gliding the Rockies or swimming laps in Lake Superior, but leave a message with my assistant and I’ll get back to you.

When we meet, we’ll get down to business over a glass of Johnnie Walker Black, right after we’ve small-talked the finer points of a proper roof truss installation.

 

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These Babies Sum Up Real Estate Better Than Any Realtor Could

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